Change Happens
Hey, hey, hey! I've had my head in the clouds lately, but not those fluffy, light, bright clouds where Care Bears certainly live. More like the long, dark, streaky rain clouds that are prone to scramble my vision and obscure my horizon: that place that steadies me, that promises possibility, that shows me a way forward. Brain clouds (whether light and fluffy or dark and rainy) can be so powerful that I risk getting my head stuck up there and even my feet start leaving the ground. Who cares, you say? Well, I do, because I'm looking to take steps forward and without my feet on the ground that gets hard.
I've been a fan of grounding mantras since my high school and college years when the clouds were the smoky, pungent sort and often took me way over my head. In those moments, I'd collect myself by simply naming objects: this a chair, that is a clock, here is a burrito — yum! But my world has become more complex since then and while a chair and a burrito are still quite calming in confusing times, I've had to focus my intentions a bit more.
During my training with Erickson Coaching International, one of the first things we learned were the 5 Erksonian Principles. The coaching program and the principles come out of the work done by Milton Erickson, a psychologist from the mid 20th century who focused on making positive life changes. His work was the foundation for today's tenets of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and he is known for personally practicing professional loving-kindness in his approach to therapy.
When I discovered the 5 Principles, my mind went something like this: "Hmm...suspicious. Much too easy. Much too obvious. I already know these things. What's the point? Doesn't everyone know this?" We were introduced to the principles with the intention to use them as a foundation to approach our coaching clients, but as I got into the habit of checking on the principles before each coaching session, they became more familiar. They stopped being just about coaching and I started making them about me in my days of doubt, indecision, and daydreaming.
And whoa—game changer. I'm not saying the clouds immediately part and celestial rays of light shine down with baby cherubs by their side, but I am saying that all of a sudden those clouds seem a little less opaque. I can make out the horizon and see a clear way forward.
So here they are. I've added my own personal commentary in parenthesis with a narrative that has been helpful for me. Feel free to ignore.
1. People are OK. (I'm ok. It's ok now, it will be ok in 15 minutes, and it will be ok in 15 years.)
2. People have real resources. (I have what I need and I have even more than I know! And I have ways to figure out what I don't know. I also like to think of five things I have that I'm grateful for at that moment. Right now: the sea, my fam, hot water, the internet, a chair.)
3. Every person has a positive intention. (I want things to be ok. I want them to be better than ok. Sometimes the positive intention is hiding, but it doesn't mean we can't find it. My confusion is showing me that I want clarity, my indecision is because I care. Even when I'm throwing a tantrum, it's because I want to be better than I feel at the moment.)
4. People do their best. (This is my favorite. I'm doing the best with what I have right now. It doesn't mean I won't do better next time. But right now, with what I know, I'm doing what I can. I also like to remind myself here that my best is my best, and someone else's best is their best. There's no one best.)
5. Change is inevitable. (Probably Forrest Gump should have gone with "Change Happens" instead of the well-known tagline. Both are true, however. The world (including humans) is constantly evolving and thank those baby cherubs for that, otherwise, that blooming tree in the photo would still be an acorn (or almond), not a tree. So let's just agree to agree, change is inevitable.)
So there we have it! I would love to hear your thoughts on these principles: what resonates personally, what works with others, how you deal with cloudy days. Also, I'm fairly explicit in my newsletters, but: did you know you can have an amazing conversation with me anytime, for free, coaching or not? (The "anytime" is figurative, because I'm not awake 24/7, but if the time slots listed don't work, please reach out!) I'd love to connect with you for easy-breezy conversations or difficult conundrums, I'm up for anything!
Finally, I'm seeing a lot of new additions to these love letters and to my Instagram, so I should probably more formally introduce myself since it's no longer just my mom and her friends reading along. Keep your eyes open for more about me, but in the meantime, an abbreviated intro and summer-y photo can be found here.
Sending sunshine,
Henna