Turn Towards Love
As promised, I'm gifting you with my own reflection on turning towards love inspired by this beautiful conversation (which I read, and didn't listen to. You'd know if you paid attention to #8 in 10 Things About Me). I've been grappling with how to express what it means to "choose love" which, you're listening to well-being or wellness chatter, seems to be a fairly common refrain.
My dad, on the other hand, likes to loudly remind me, "We don't make fear-based decisions" in our family whenever I'm grappling with something. That's all well and good if you're actually able to understand what exactly a fear-based decision is.
And fear itself isn't bad. It's simply a way to communicate that something we hold dear might be at risk. I say might be, because a lot of fear can be an illusion. There may very well be something physical at risk (money, a relationship, health) or it may be something we think we can lose but we really have control of (our pride, power, dignity, strength). In either case, acting out of fear will probably lead us to lose more than we imagined (usually our inner-peace and well-being), whereas turning towards love might mean some sort of loss of what we "thought" we needed, and a real gain in what we truly need.
Yes, I get it, I'm being no more concrete than those "love, laugh, dance" posters on the wall.
So let's start with my favorite topic: food. Julia Child says, "People who love to eat are always the best people," and since you are all the best people (inherently, since you’re reading this newsletter) I know you’re also people who can appreciate eating.
I love food and I love eating. It's one of the few moments when you're really forced to consider what you really really want. It's an act all of us partake in: choosing to eat, or not, and what to eat, or not eat. It's a very conscious decision that we engage in every day. We get to include our whole selves in the process: our emotional brain saying: yes, stuff me with chocolate and potato chips for days because they are delicious, and the rational brain that says: get your sh*t together, you're 35, feed me greens and a soft poached egg. And yes, fear and love are both involved.
Food is part of my identity. I pride myself on eating anything, eating a lot, and eating happily (and yet not really having to cook.) I love sweets. I love pasta. I love potato chips and gummy bears for dinner. I also loved cooked greens (but not really salads) and bread, butter, and anchovies. I work at a cooking school. I talk about what I want for dinner when I'm eating lunch and sometimes get so excited for breakfast.
And yet, my love of food is in current conflict with my love for my body. I can not physically digest everything that I used to: I feel ill after eating big meals. I get very thirsty if I eat too much sugar. I get tired or with a headache if I don't eat frequently. It got to the point where I was afraid to eat certain things: Am I allergic to dairy? Can I not eat gluten? If I eat a gummy bear, will I die?
I'm still working out this new phase of my life. But one thing I'm learning is that when I make the choice with love, ("Oh hey body, I love you, let's eat delicious greens" AND "Oh hey inner Henna, yes, you can eat two packs of Reese's but maybe not all in one sitting because I love you too") I get a much better result. I choose to love myself which means a mix of emotional love (Reese's) and physical love (nourishing simple foods) for my aging self. (We're all aging.)
I think choosing love means being mindful of what we fear. It means paying attention to what we feel is truly at risk and what might happen if we embrace (read: love) that thing at risk. My fear is for my health. If I chose to live in fear, I would probably just stop eating and start drinking those Ensure things. But yet, love for my health means choosing what tastes good, feels good, and all of it in moderation.
It's not an easy process, but it comes with practice. We get to know ourselves better and understand our fears as simply indications, we can better love ourselves and what we want to protect. For me, turning towards love means patience, understanding, and awareness. It means listening to what your brain (and your friends/family/social media) is telling you what you should do and then figuring out what you want to do and how you want to love yourselves.
These are my thoughts. What are yours? How do you turn towards love? What are some of your biggest fears? How can you turn what you fear into what you dream of?
Only two more love letters this year! Next week I am sharing my list of books I read this year in hopes that you will respond with some favorites of yours, and for the final week of 2021 I'm sharing what I've been learning in 2021 and what I hope to learn in 2022.
I'm going to change up my newsletter format a bit. I want to share more people, projects, and passion and not JUST me constantly sharing what's on my mind. If you want to be involved, reach out!
And if you're thinking of how to spread the holiday cheer, perhaps consider forwarding this love letter or any other to anyone you think might like it. I'm still taking sign-ups for Belonging starting in January. It could be a beautiful gift for you and a friend to do together, or something a family member might like. I'll be forever grateful for your sharing.
Sending sunshine and some greenery your way!
Henna