All About Success
It’s a crisp Monday, clear, and cool and I’m sitting on my terrace soaking up some sun. After an extremely productive weekend of organizing, emails, and errands, I’m allowing myself some time to dawdle today. I’m catching up on my favorite newsletter, Marginalian (formerly Brain Pickings), and getting lost in the archive of her writings. I ran into this lovely piece on fixed vs. growth mindset and what success looks like.
I highly suggest reading the article as it’s full of fabulous studies and thought-provoking insight. But what resonated for me is this idea of how we define success. With December approaching, I started thinking, “Where has the time gone!? What have I even done this year?” I start questioning what I’ve accomplished and whether it’s been a successful year.
It’s pure science that this year was definitely shorter than others (I mean, it was 1/35th of my life, as opposed to last year that was 1/34th of my life), and at first, I was feeling like this year was a bit of a letdown. I didn’t do enough. It was too quick for me to really achieve anything. There wasn't even time for success.
Then I checked myself.
Well, what the heck exactly is success? One way to go about it (as the article above reminds us) is the idea of success as the opposite of failure. To me, this means two options: good/bad, win/lose, success/failure. Alternatively, we could also choose to see success as something dynamic, evolving, and continual. Success is failing and learning. It’s trying and trying again. It’s doing and growing. It’s facing the same challenges over and over and reacting differently, trying new methods and models. It's exerting energy consistently to continually improve. Success, with a growth mindset, is in the process, not the outcome.
After a moment of panic that I had "wasted" 1/35th of my life, I went back and started re-evaluating this year. I came up with plenty of things I didn't do that would suggest failure: I went through a tough breakup, turned down a steady job, didn’t buy a house, didn’t write a book, didn’t win the lottery (I tried...not a lot though), didn't even do yoga every day, and I definitely didn't reach influencer status on Instagram. (To be fair, none of these things were goals for the year, but they're thoughts that float in and out of my mind.)
And yet: I learned and am continuing to learn about what I need and what I want. I'm discovering what a healthy relationship means to me, what is important to me in my work life, how to create a sense of home with me wherever I am, what a consistent writing practice looks like (you’re looking at it! Thank you for being my readers), and of course, I'm learning slowly that scratch tickets aren't a guaranteed way to make millions.
This year was hard and successful. This year was full of growth and failure. This year I did a ton and I still have a lot to do. I learned to celebrate the joy in small things, to set personal and professional boundaries, to share more of myself in the online world, to explore new cities, to better know my body and its needs (Sleep! Greens! Water! Silence! Sun!). I made new friends and caught up with old friends. I lived out of my suitcase for two months. I finally got to show my sister Sicily after five years of living here and visit Naples with my Dad. I spent two weeks in my hometown of Nantucket with my mom. I got my International Coaching Federations ACC conditionals and launched Belonging, my community coaching practice. I rediscovered the joy of a shared table through my work at Anna Tasca Lanza. I put a lot of energy into writing these newsletters. (I'm honored that you read them, and sometimes respond!) I did my best with what I have and next time I will try to be even better.
I'm choosing to continue to grow, learn, do, try, practice, and fail. And I'm choosing to call that process success.
What have you learned this year?
What growth are you most proud of?
What would you like to practice for next year?
Wishing all my Americans a beautiful week of gratitude and great food (even if we all know Thanksgiving dinner is best served on a sandwich the day after),
Happy sunsets, happy sunrises, and congrats on all your success!
With love,
Henna
PS: I cleared my calendar for December but if you'd like to get in touch about 1 on 1 coaching starting in January just reach out here on email and we'll work something out!