Babies Know Best
I got to meet two amazing babies this past weekend, products of two of my best women friends and their respective husbands. The 14-month-old girl could not be slowed down or bothered to get to know me, but 8-month-old Gos (not his real name, shortened from Gosling because of his downy head of hair) was more than happy to indulge me in my role as adoptive aunty.
Gos and I met last summer when he was still in mamma’s womb. But this was our first in-person meeting. It was love at first sight. We bonded over shared double chins, a love of stuffed animals, and a mutual lack of gross motor skills that leads to bumps and bruises and scrapes out of nowhere. He is easily amused by hands, tags, being bopped on the nose. I am easily amused by him and his chubby thigh rolls. As I said, pure love.
Having little Gos in my arms this weekend reminded me of how connected these little guys are to the world. They exist exclusively in the present. They have nowhere to go, nothing to do, other than explore, eat, sleep, poop. Every interaction with them is a question, an invitation. What do you want?
Would you like some food? Would you like to play with this shoe? Would you like to play with the other shoe? Shall we sit on the floor? Or the couch? Or do you want to walk around in my arms? Do you want to smile? Do you want to sleep? Do you want to play?
And the response on their end is immediate. They let you know. No apologies, excuses, or dilly-dallying about. Gos will not open his mouth if he does not want to eat. He will grab your earrings if he wants to play. And if you want to lie on the couch and cuddle (I do) and he does not, he will not allow it.
We all know babies are special. They are these little creatures who only do what they want when they want. In my coaching, I’ve always said that my aim is to get people to live the life they want. And this is true. But first, it’s figuring out what we want.
Growing up, we sometimes lose the instinct and ability to respond to the question: “Is this what I want?” Partly, it’s because the world stops asking. We are no longer invited to participate, but told, expected, sometimes forced. We learn what we “should” and “shouldn’t” do must take precedence over what we want, or what feels good.
A lot of the work in creating the life you want starts with understanding. And this means asking questions. Extending invitations. How might you start questioning what you really want? How might you check back in, starting with your physical body? What “should have, could have, would haves” can you change to "want tos"? What does it feel like to remind yourself, "I want to rest, I want to eat, I want to play," instead of “I need to, I should, I must”?
If you don't have a little baby around you, I can recommend going to find Gos in Florence (not sure his mamma will be happy with all the extra house guests). But if not, just imagine. How might you start extending invitations to yourself? Practicing your questions? Once we can be a little bit more inviting in our own lives, how can we extend that to others? Baby or not.
Lots of thoughts on this hot Tuesday! Sending you a cool breeze and a big hug. Hope to hear from you soon! Oh and if you want to chat through these questions, my calendar is a little limited at the moment, but just reach out here. And don't forget, I'm already putting together a Belonging group for September, so get in touch as well.
Happy Tuesday,
Henna